How To Tell a Girl You Like Her
I’d like to talk to you about something that seems to be a major issue for many men: how to tell a girl you like her. Don’t you wish there was an easy way to do that? Most of all, a safe way? After all, you can’t just tell her flat-out, right? That’d be pretty awkward. And it’s not like you never tried: you’ve confessed to girls in the past how much you felt for them, and it made them run away faster than you could say “what the…?”.
I’ll give you a little revelation, and it may come as quite a surprise to you because it works without any magic phrases, tricks or safety nets. Before I do, though, let me take you back into my past – and possibly yours, too…
Roots of anxiety: freaking girls out when you were young
In my early youth, I went through a phase when I was very open and curious about anybody. There was a girl that I wanted to get to know better. So being innocent and knowing nothing about seduction, I followed her on the way home to talk to her. In hindsight, it was probably the most needy thing I could have done! As you can imagine, she wasn’t really receptive! See, my curiosity was surely fine, but by following her around, I freaked her out so much that the next time I tried the same thing, she actually physically fled from me!
Even when you’re young, you don’t have to be a genius to realize that having a girl run away from you probably isn’t the best thing in the world!
Reactions like that from girls had made me insecure when I was young. I started thinking there was something wrong with being curious, and I became quite anxious about talking to strangers. You may relate to that. Experiences like this and the resulting anxiety have kept me from being open with girls for many years.
Then I realized: there’s nothing wrong with flat-out telling a girl that you like her!
How to tell a girl you like her: just do it!
Now you hear them yell: “but that’s being clingy and needy! You’re handing her your balls on a silver platter!” Well I’ll tell you what: if you make it clingy and needy, then it is. However, you have control over how you relay your message to another person: between us, women really like to feel appreciated and loved. But they want to feel the love is a privilege they earned with their personality, and that they’re getting it from somebody who’s in a strong enough position to give. You enjoy a girl’s company?
Be open about it – but do it in the right way.
That’s the key here.
How to tell a girl you like her
A-ha! We’re back where we started. So there’s more to it after all. Okay, first of all, you want to do it when it feels right and natural. That means DON’T do it within the first few minutes after meeting her. Do it at the end of a date! “Hey, I think you’re an attractive woman and I like your style.” Suggest another meeting (might be good to have some cool event planned beforehand: “why don’t you join me on Friday, I’m going to this party?”).
Remember this: your purpose is to add great people to your life. You’re not saying “I like you so very much and all I want is for you to pleeease stay with me”, you’re saying “I like you because you do/are this, and I’d like to keep you in my life.” First of all, your mindset has to shift from “wanting to become part of somebody else’s life” to “inviting the person to be part of yours”. You’re offering that woman the chance to be part of your (awesome) life because she has earned it by doing/being whatever makes her great.
In doing so, you’re not only giving the person major validation, you’re also leaving it up to them to accept!
However, if you’d like to get the girl to tell you that she really likes you first, then I strongly recommend you read Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo. He tells you exactly how to make that happen.
Confess love to a woman for the right reasons
And that leads me to your second shift: your outlook has to change from “if she doesn’t accept, my life will fall apart and I will cry myself to sleep” to “I’d like to have her in my life, but if she doesn’t accept the invitation, it’s not a problem.” You’re not losing anything, are you?
And that’s it for today. One last interesting point is that as a kid, you probably instinctively knew how to tell a girl you like her: isn’t it funny that we lose some of our natural, innate social skills when we grow up? Social convention, media, or troubled teenagers dealing with their blossoming sexuality sprout all these ideas in our head that cover up something we used to pull off without any effort. Well, here’s your tip: regain it. Be open and genuine.
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ive been talking to this girl online…and her style and beauty attracts me..i want to invite her to a movie or just somewhere to hang out (the pier???) but i don’t want to creep her out since i just got to know her a lil bit. how should i approach this conversation????
Hey David
I love that little video in the top right corner! Your advice cracked me up – especially to ‘think outside the box’… Too much focus on that is what can screw up many a good opportunity I guess?
Keep up the good work,
BM
@lokks: The best way to hang out with her without creeping her out is to simply invite her to an activity that you’re already doing. It doesn’t have to be romantic… if you’re going to the movies with friends, then invite her along.
@Banjo MacAteer: Well, I’m not David, but I’m sure he appreciates it! He’s a really good guy and I recommend his stuff.
hi Chris,
Gotta little situation, recently ended a 4 year relationship, and felt i had to get in touch with a girl i worked with 2 years ago. I found her on facebook but kinda feel like i shoulder barged my way through the little fb window now.
She messaged me back a few times and is home from uni this weekend. I havnt messaged her in about 10 days but i sent the last message replying to hers so she has the upper hand now.
This girl is kinda ‘this could be the one’ girl, i nearly broke my past relationship in hope to get with her but didn’t due to being unfaithful in the past an wanting to make a real go of it. i have learnt that lesson but im a little worried now ive scared her off.
Should have been alot cooler but couldn’t believe id found her, she remembered me and was messaging back. wish i found this site sooner!!!! any suggestions?
I’ve one friend we know each other 1st by phone (by her girl friend). I am a little bit fun and most of the time she calls me and we will have a fun by phone every time even i called her. She is also fun. But after her friend leave abroad she becomes alone and we start hanging out each other when I hang up the phone she told me not to do that she also invites me to movie hang out etc. She told me she saw me on hear dream but she told me she hate marriage & she loves relationship and in the middle there is a guy she talks about him. But am confused if she loves me or she want only fun with me. I’m really loving her. So how do i know if she loves me or wants me just for fun??
I’ve liked this one girl for some time now, we’ll talk often online, but she does go to my school. My main problem is that I don’t ever hang out with her, but I have reason to believe that’s because my school is very clique-y, and we’re from different groups of friends/people. I want to be able to hang out with this girl more, and maybe even let her know that I like her. We don’t ever get to hang out in person, we only ever talk online, but I want to actually be able to spend time with her in person, but I don’t know how to let her know. Can someone help me?
please send me a complete tutorial on how to meet women and seduce them thanks.
man u just saved me
i will ask her something so i can hence to her that i like her and i am happy to see her again, as u said make her feel it is much better than telling her and u keep her the choice to accept and i am sure she will accept because i know she likes me and she the one who attracted me to her.
thanks again m8 ^^
I met this girl through work, We got chatting, after a few days chatting I offered her my number and she gave me her’s in return. She always said to me via IM chat or txting that she was sick of being alone and said I should come through to see her. I arranged to go through one day after she kept saying she looked rough which i think was just her being nervous about meeting me for the first time. We instantly hit it off after her friend left. Asking loads of questions about me and vice versa which ended up in her play fighting with me. I’ve been a few times since and we have slowly ended up getting closer and closer to the point where we were laid on her bed just cuddling for hours. I told her I like her as it was blatently obvious I did. She didnt say it back at first but a couple of days later I asked her why she was so shy about commenting on her emotions, which was when she said she still had some sort of feelings for her ex and she didnt think it was fair on me if we started seeing each other. She did say to me though that she does like me a lot and she thinks im a lovely person but now I’m confused as to what to do…She has a child to her ex who hit her and went back to his ex. Should I pursue her and reassure her or let her figure her feelings out in her own time as she keeps saying she is confused and doesnt know what she wants? I just don’t know
hey, so I’ve known this girl for about 5 years now, we’ve always been friends but recently I’ve realized I think I like her alot more than I had originally planned. I don’t know if I should ask her out or anything because if she just wants to stay friends, things might be awkward, but if i don’t I feel like I’m missing an opportunity with a really great person. What should I do? :S