How to pick up women
If you’re here, then I’m going to assume that you’re determined to learn how to pick up women. I’ll tell you right away, the fastest way to learn is to hang out with guys that are already successful at attracting women on a consistent basis.
Assuming you don’t have any of these friends around you, let’s move on to the second fastest method to learn, practice.
There are a few concepts that you should master in order to successfully engage and “pick up” a woman. First, I don’t really like that the term pickup, because it automatically puts the guy in a situation where he’s chasing the woman. Now this might often be true, but ideally, you don’t want to come off as a guy who’s hunting for women.
The right attitude to adopt when you’re going to meet women is to think of it as a mutual selection process. You’re going to go talk to her to simply find out if you would like to know more of her. Likewise, she’s going to assess if she wants to know more of you or not. Kind of like when you go shopping for a car, you need to investigate, ask questions before committing to a certain choice.
That way, when you do make a choice (ask her number, kiss her, etc), it will seem natural and logical. The problem with most guys is that they see an attractive woman, decide RIGHT in an instant that they want to sleep with her, and then go to talk to her caring about nothing else but getting her into bed.
From the woman’s perspective… a random guy approaches you and you KNOW he’ll say anything to please you and will likely DO anything you ask him as well. Immediately, for no reason, she has complete power of a man who’s throwing himself at her.
Don’t throw yourself at her.
Instead, ask her interesting questions that she won’t hear every day, tease her whenever she answers wrong ( according to your standards ) and try to see if she fits your mold of the ideal woman. She might not even know it, but she’ll be doing the same to you!
So let’s break this down into simple steps.
1) Figure out what you want in a woman (preparation)
2)Approach a woman, say something interesting / captivating / entertaining.
3) Referring to Step 1, speak about topics that will allow you to know more about her while telling herself about you.
For example, if in Step 1, you realized that you wanted an adventurous girl in your life, then in Step 3, you could mention a story where you did something adventurous yourself… from that, see how she reacts. That’s normal conversation! When you supplement light conversation with smiles, teasing and light touching (kino), it becomes flirting.
To recap, the absolute best way to learn about how to pick up women is to hang out with guys that are good at it already. If you don’t have this luxury, then the next best thing will be to practice. The best book I can recommend on picking up women would be one written by David D. He’s one of the guru’s on the subject and his book is currently the #1 book on the seduction charts.
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Comment by bede eagle — June 14, 2008 @ 2:57 am
Dude I seriously agree with you.
U the Man!!!!!!
Comment by NinJon — July 17, 2008 @ 11:05 am
Could you give some examples of interesting things to say to a woman while your talking to her when you first meet?
Thanks
Comment by Fernando — August 13, 2008 @ 3:08 am
i’m 18 and my next door neighbor is really hot and shes very flirts with me. she is 20 and i think she likes me the way i like her, but she has a boyfriend and a kid what shall i do
anyone help please.
Comment by jordan — October 28, 2008 @ 8:49 am
You shouldn’t do anything. A girl who’s 20 and has a kid and is flirting with you isn’t loyal to anything including herself. Insta–family—just add water? No thanks. Trust me, enjoy the flirting–but don’t let it go further. Girl like that ain’t nothin’ but trouble.
Comment by Mo — October 31, 2008 @ 9:48 am
what u talkin bout mo? he should at least get something out of the situation. just deny the hell out of it after
Comment by jarrad — December 17, 2008 @ 7:56 am
Hey guys, I just met this girl in the church today. Actually we went with school to the church, this girl is 18 I think I’m 17. I know her, I mean she’s very “popular” in school for her looks, she’s very sexy etc etc… Lets get to the point now. I was standing alone by the wall listening to the priest, suddenly this chick appears first with 2 of her friends. She asks “Hey, can I stand here? or sit I can’t remember” I said “of course” then she started to talk with me, we talked about a lot of things, for example what we do for living and stuff… It was a very nice moment I loved it, I had a feeling she was interested in me, because she constantly asked questions and stuff, and every time I “isolated” her she got more interested. But when we were about to leave, I was so stupid I didn’t even think of it, I could ask for her phone number, it was a 110% chance that I would get it, but I didn’t ask for it
( I know her name I can easily add her on Facebook, I don’t know maybe that seem strange, I really should have asked for it in the first place, I don’t know what to do? I feel so stupid, shall I wait 2 weeks til I get to meet her again or shall I send messages on Facebook I don’t know, please give me some tips would appreciate that
Peace
MMA Fighter
Comment by MMA Fighter — December 19, 2008 @ 1:20 pm
MMA Fighter,
Lay low and wait the two weeks man. Chasing after a broad shows your needy or are at least very interested in her. Both will get you no where. Often times when you ignore or seemed disinterested in a girl it makes them want you (want what they cant have). If you run into her before, sweet, but other wise make the move for the number when you see her in 2 weeks. Be casual when you see her, talk for a short time and get that number when things are going well.
Give her one for me bro !!!
Comment by MAC — December 22, 2008 @ 5:23 pm
Hey, I started talking to this girl a short while ago, and after a while i told her i liked her as more than a friend, and she told me she felt the same way about me. She also told me she had to much for a relationship, and that maybe something would happen when she fixes everything. She acted nice around me, and we trusted each other with our lives. But one day she was acting kind of strange, and i asked her if she wanted to talk about anything and she rudely replied “I’m not talking to you”.
I am certain i must have done something wrong, but i honestly don’t know what happened. Can you give me some help, as to how to start up our relationship again? We don’t have to but girlfriend/boyfriend, i don’t care if she is just my friend, but i don’t know how to approach her about it.
Comment by Brandon — January 6, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
hey brandon it sounds to me like she is trying to see if she can play mind games with you, i had a relationship where things would be fine and then bam.. she would throw all this crap in my face, listen brother the best thing to do when they do that is ignore it and shove a little back act like her not talking to you isnt bothering you.
Comment by rico — January 13, 2009 @ 9:53 pm
I have a few tips for you guys.
1. learn to get MORE girls in your life instead of obsessing. trust me. been their.
2. remember to flirt and NOT be afraid that she KNOWS you like her. it’s mutual. See, girl need to know they CAN have you – with out you sucking up etc… not through your words but how you act.
3. BRANDON, my man!!!! rule #1 who cares what she thinks. start talking to other girls 1st. but don’t be like “hey i got this hot chicks number” to show off. “i like you as more than a friend” don’t tell that to girls though!(you shouldn’t have to) although it sounds like she likes you. but not THAT way. start on some1 new. but as far as friends go, dude, for me its SOOO easy to make girl “friends” you need to keep value & most of all, most of all ~~~ CALL HER ON HER B.S.!!! dude, i can think of a few ways to get around what happened(when it did) i’ve figured out -sometimes- you just gotta call B.S. dude. show that you wear the pants and they have holes, paint stains, and a effing wallet chain! cuz ur a MAN!!!
Comment by Crash — January 15, 2009 @ 2:34 am
i know this chick at church man she is so beutifull but everytime that i see her i do not know what to say please help me.
Comment by oscar — January 18, 2009 @ 10:26 pm
does anyone know how to get rid of bad breath….. its realy stoping me from getting chicks and effecting me in my social life
Comment by dd — February 17, 2009 @ 3:58 pm
Great points,
Dont throw yourself at her, so important!
nice recap
Colin
Comment by Colin of Day Game Dating — March 4, 2009 @ 2:39 am
Is it possible to have a girl as a g/f, even after you’ve slept with her and still been friends for awhile?
Comment by Geoff — March 5, 2009 @ 12:35 pm
Ok heres a situation i have. There is this girl that is one year younger than me. She is basically the girl that I’ve always wanted to date. Her personality, looks, everything. So… I got her number from someone else and decided to text her and joke around. Then at the end she said stop texting me delete my number haha. I think I failed. Anyways its so easy to go to physically talk to her.
Advice from here on what to do would be very helpful.
If I don’t get advice in a week I am going to try something crazy…. so post something and stop reading….
Comment by VRT — March 17, 2009 @ 12:57 am
When picking up women, you have to realize that it’s a little like fishing. If you pull too hard, too quickly then the line will break.
Translating this into the real world of dating:
If you text a girl that doesn’t even know you in the first place, or if you text her too often, then you’re going to fail.
Instead, you made a huge mistake of text’ing her without getting the number from her first. She has to want you to text her before you actually start! Unfortunately, you started off really bad and instead you’d be better off slowly getting into her social circle. From there, build attraction.
Comment by Chris — March 28, 2009 @ 10:30 pm
Hey, I totally lack the Confidence to talk to girls…What should I do?
Comment by Manu — April 25, 2009 @ 3:19 am
this is gold
Comment by Cage Fighter — May 22, 2009 @ 4:43 pm
Pretty Interesting article..Hold the reality.
You seem to be much more experience in dating culture..
don’t you?
Comment by Find your love — June 2, 2009 @ 6:12 pm
please send all your articles to my mail,I love them your really helping out a brother from another mother and you my undying unwavering unfortunate gratitude thanks twin (have the same name and interests) But you are officially my number one hero and mentor of women madness
Comment by chris — June 16, 2009 @ 1:51 am
Chris: lol, I’m glad you enjoy the article.
Manu: Read the articles on talking to women! Building confidence is something that takes a long time but the easiest way is to start off really small. Talk to normal people (guys and girls) and then work your way up to girls you find more attractive. It’s counter-intuitive, but talking to random guys will help you talking to girls. You just have to develop your chatting muscles in order to pick up women.
Comment by Chris Calo — June 22, 2009 @ 10:00 pm
hey, I have a female friend of the same age, we new each other in high school and i met her again now i am at college. We have grown closer over the past few months and i would like to take the relationship further, and i think she feels the same. i was wondering if you would have any advice on how to go about doing this without destroying the friendship if it turns out that she wants to stay just friends.
thanks to any who reply.
Comment by Josh — June 23, 2009 @ 4:57 am
hey, i have a lot of girl lovers but i don’t actually know which of them is the right girl for me. how will know or see the right girl for me.
Please help me out and i need the solution my problem right now please.
Comment by enoch okyere — July 2, 2009 @ 3:11 pm
I ‘m a final year student. My last love ended long ago. I first meet her when I came to sign up for a English class. She is a student, too. She is working at that center as a part-time work. I really love her at first look. I have thought about her sine that day. But seem that It hard to have contact with her. Plz give me a advice!!!
Comment by Bruce — July 15, 2009 @ 2:43 am
There is this girl that i like and she always looks at me she is my friends neighbor but i don’t know how to just go up there to talk to her and get a good conversation going and my friend that is her neighbor talk to her before and she said i was cute what should i do???
Comment by tyler — July 15, 2009 @ 9:01 am
Hi
I am married, and situation is we lives far from each other now while I am here can I pick a woman? and if I do so what would be the name of this relationship. I cant lie her that I am not married and I love her to stay with me.
Comment by Peter — July 23, 2009 @ 2:49 pm
Interesting insight on the “how to pick up women”. This helped me in many ways in picking up women. Single women!
Comment by Jaime v — July 28, 2009 @ 9:03 pm
Good stuff. I like how you stated that honesty with women is attractive. However, selective honesty is more accurate. Truly, the art of seduction really does revolve around value, I like your tips, thanks.
Comment by mack — August 10, 2009 @ 8:53 pm
Hey guys,
I need an unbiased male perspective on a situation I have. I met a guy through a mutual friend at uni and we started txt’ing, chatting online. he kept wanted to meet up and I’m pretty interested in him so I was thinking this was great. We really clicked. So anyway, about a week after all this started he says to me that he really likes me but has a girlfriend. apparently their relationship is kinda on the rocks at the moment. He’s still flirty with me and wanting to see me, but I’m not sure how to reciprocate
my question here is do i:
a)forget about him and leave him to his retarded relationship issues
b) continue to flirt with him and hope he breaks up with his girl
c) try to just be friends and ignore the ridiculous chemistry
(love the site btw Chris, excellent insight! its all true!)
Comment by carla — August 19, 2009 @ 8:19 am
I know it sounds quite rubbish and cliche, but there is this girl, tehe.
I met her years ago when we were young, and I loved her then. We were great friends, played around like kids do, made each other laugh, but I never had the courage to say anything.
I have never had a girlfriend, and she was the closest to it, tehe, yeah I know sad.
I haven’t seen her since 2003. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.
We kind of lost contact after a short while.
Do you think I should try and find her, or does that seem to ’stalky’ and creepy?
Does anyone have any thoughts on what I could do?
Thankyou in advance!
J
Comment by J — September 10, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
I need help, i went to italy as a student ambassador. I left loving this girl that i had been with for nine months and ten when i got back. But when i got back i didnt feel the love anymore with her, partly because we got into a stupid argument, but mostly i felt like i was being held back from chillin with different girls. Im back in america and i want to tlk to some other girls but part of me is just afraid of rejection. I guess i expect to much out of people……can anyone give me a lil advice
Comment by The political collaspe — September 24, 2009 @ 5:22 pm
So, i went to this party friday, today is sunday. And, at first i went to this party without expecting anything out of it, but then i saw this hot asian girl. I didnt pay much attention to her, since she was dancing with this other guy. I had a beer and loosened up a bit, went outside and smoked. When i went back in, the girl came to me, and started flirting with me, she wanted to dance. So i danced (grinded). After i left her to go hang with some friends. When i came back, she asked me to sit with her on a couch. lol “sit” she sat and put her legs on me. She put her arm around me and we made out. So we kept doing our thing, and she had to go, she gave me her number, and told me to call her sometime. I texted her the next day to see if she remembered me, but it didnt seem like she did. I thought she was interested in me, (b/c of everything that happened at the party the night before). She said she thought she remembered me, but wasnt to sure.
Does this girl like me? or was it just the alcohol…
reminder, we danced, talked, and made out. (and other stuff) SO WTF, i really like this girl, and i want to bring her to another party. help?
Comment by Anonymous — October 11, 2009 @ 11:48 am
political collapse:
I’m sorry to break it to you, but your encounters with that “hot asian girl” (do you even know her name?!) was a one night thing.
There’s the elements to telling if somethings going to last- you guys were drinking and dancing and it sounds like you were making out (and other stuff) in less than an hour- which means it was all just some good fun. When things happen that quickly, it is usually a sign that the intentions are to get it all done with that night- if she hadnt gotten any further with you physically after waiting too long, she would find another guy.
Remember, she was dancing with another guy before you. There were most likely others before him and others after you- so, thats probably why she doesnt remember you.
Or maybe she does remember you (vaguely) but is so emberassed because she usually doesnt act that way (etc., etc.) that she’s playing dumb and wants to forget it.
Either way, leave her alone, it was a one night thing and thats that.
Comment by Samuelle — December 5, 2009 @ 1:35 pm
oops, i just realised that was to Anonymous, not political collapse- my apologies.
BUT for political collapse, you are still hung up on this Italian girl, which is nice, but when it’s over it’s over. You just need time to collect yourself and prepare for other girls in your life, time is the key. When your ready again you’ll find another girl (i mean, you could find LOTS of different KINDS of girls when you’re still not ready, but I’m not talking about them)
Comment by Samuelle — December 5, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
@Samuelle: Well said, sometimes people just want to get it on one night.. and then it’s a one night thing!
@political: If you’re in a different country it’s going to be really difficult to do anything. Like Samuelle said, there are other girls!
Comment by Chris Calo — December 9, 2009 @ 4:11 pm
Speaking as a woman who just happened to stumble upon this website, I’ll give those of you who are truly clueless – not to mention disrespectful – some tips your daddies apparently skipped over when giving the talk.
If you want a woman to like you, let alone LOVE you, maybe start referring to us as women and ladies instead of ‘chicks’ and ‘broads’? Seriously, demeaning us doesn’t turn us on and just shows your naked male insecurity. It’s a sign that a Chris Brown left-hook could be on the way. HUGE RED FLAG.
Learn how to pick up a phone instead of emailing and text’ing. It’s lame, lazy and shows you don’t care enough about us to make an effort to hear our voices.
Be appreciative when women do thoughtful little things for you – don’t read into it. I had a male friend who loved the Yankees and was sad the Stadium was being torn down. I gave him an autographed Yogi Bera ball as a gift and he took that to mean I was falling in love with him when the reality was I was just doing something nice for someone who was down in the dumps. Nice is in our nature, guys, don’t make us feel bad about it or use it as a reason to not be with us. Believe me, WE should be so lucky to have men do thoughtful little things for us (a rarity).
Stop lying to get laid! A man who has to lie to a woman to get her in bed is seriously insecure and most likely has major mommy issues.
If you want to break off with a woman, TELL HER WHY. Don’t stand us up, don’t ignore us, don’t blow us off like we don’t have feelings. Give us the gift of closure. Most women would rather be told nicely that “we’re just not making a connection” instead of being blown off. Be a MAN about things, and we won’t be thinking about stabbing you in the neck whenever we hear your name mentioned. Instead, we’ll look back fondly on our time with you and smile that you cared enough to be honest.
And quit worrying so damn much about your looks and size – women don’t care about that stuff, only you guys do. Men society deem as “good-looking” are more likely to cheat and take their women for granted. I’ll take an ugly troll who can stay faithful, say please and thank you, and bring me flowers once in a while.
While we’re at it, don’t cheat. Are you listening, Tiger Woods? Instead of cheating, why not just communicate with your woman? What’s wrong with just sitting your woman down and saying, ‘I think we have a problem in our relationship’. If your woman doesn’t want to work the problem out, break up and go be single – she’s not worth your time. But trust me, guys, cheating is the coward’s way out. It shows you are a child, not a man, and you made a conscious decision to be dishonest and hurt someone who trusted you.
If you want to know what women want in a man, ASK A WOMAN. That means getting a platonic woman friend and keeping it in your pants when she tells you all she wants is to be friends. There are other women out there to date, so always keep a platonic female friend on hand for advice.
Ok, peace to all.
Comment by Ms. Right — December 31, 2009 @ 3:36 pm
I love a girl but she does not love me. When i told her that i love her, she started neglecting me and was ashamed to be my friend so what should i do. help me!!
Comment by mutyaba — January 14, 2010 @ 7:17 am