How to pick up girls
The art of how to pick up girls is not difficult; all you need to do is get a good grip beneath their shoulders and lift. I think even if it was this easy, most guys still wouldn’t be able to do it because of all the mental blocks they have: “What if I lift her and she thinks I’m ugly? What if I lift her and then I don’t know where to take her? What if there’s another guy who just lifted her recently and he’s a better lifter?” Now when you consider that most guys are scared to death about talking to a strange woman, you have a recipe for disaster. Fear not, there is hope.
It is possible to learn how to attract and pick up women even if you have never done it before. Sometimes it requires little adjustments to your personality, sometimes big ones. Regardless, starting from any skill level, you can go from “not being able to talk to a girl” to being very successful with women in a short period of time by following some key concepts. One of the best places to start is to hang out with men whom are successful with women. By observation, osmosis and asking key questions, you can improve your skill quite rapidly. If you don’t have the opportunity to hang out with successful men, then the next best thing is to read books by men whom are very successful with women. They will give you the theory, the techniques and open your eyes to things that previously seemed impossible. Allow me a blatant plug, but read “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo and it will change your life.
Concept 1 : When picking up a girl, you must be detached from the outcome.
If you care about what the girl thinks of you, you are destined to fail. Let’s face it, there are going to be many girls that you are just not compatible with. Many of them just won’t live up to your expectations and you won’t live up to many of theirs. You must get over this and not care if you succeed or get rejected. If you care, then you will do everything you can NOT to screw up, and consequently, this makes you screw up.
Concept 2: When picking up a girl, YOU are choosing her.
When you talk to someone for the first time, you must realize that there’s a reason that you are talking to them. If you’re talking to a woman for the first time, it’s likely that she already knows you’re trying to pick her up. Many guys have tried to pick her up before and many will in the future. This does not mean that she decides if she will accept your approach or not. When you go shopping for a car, you might walk into a dealership, but does that mean that you will purchase the car? No way! The only way you’re going purchase the car is if it’s a good investment and the salesman is competent. The same applies to dating. When you go out and you meet a girl, keep in mind that YOU won’t take her home unless you like her.
Concept 3: Be happy, enjoy what you do and she will too.
Many guys approach this as a horrifying experience when in reality, it should really be a pleasurable one. If your objective is to find out what kind of person this girl is and then make her smile, then you’re likely to have many good and enjoyable interactions. If you try to “win” by picking her up, you’re doomed for failure. Most of the time, the best pick ups are when you aren’t even trying.
Concept 4: No immediate compliments!
What ever you do, do NOT compliment her on her looks. Paying attention to detail is good, but as soon as you mention her physical appearance, things start to turn ugly. If anything, you can mention her clothing, accessories or anything out of the ordinary, but do NOT mention her appearance. Even if she has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, refrain from mentioning it. You can tell her later… much later.
Concept 5: Building attraction immediately
In order to build attraction, you must be able to convey signs of a good and desirable mate. These will naturally be present in men whom workout often and are already successful with women. However, what if you don’t have time to work out often and you aren’t already successful with women ? Well these are traits that you can LEARN from other men. After a while, they will become part of you and you won’t even have to think of them. Honestly, the best way to learn them is to hang around men that are successful. Otherwise, if you don’t have that opportunity and you still want to learn how to pick up girls, I strongly recommend reading the book Double Your Dating as it will give you all the keys to creating massive attraction instantly.
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hi there person with same website name as mine! i saw your comment this morning and decided to check it out–the advice about not mentioning her physical appearance when you first go up to a girl is v good advice indeed and one not enough people seem to mention.
Comment by ally — February 26, 2008 @ 7:45 am
i was expecting cheap tricks but these are all very good tips, indeed.
Comment by Brian — February 26, 2008 @ 9:06 pm
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Pingback by Top 100 things that attract women to men | Art of Seduction — March 3, 2008 @ 8:52 pm
Your advise are contrary to some other that I read at another site most likely to be this one.You said that i am doomed if i try to win by picking up. The other site that was emphasizing on confidence said that gals adore confident men. And that making your intentions known yields the best results by daring the gal to luv you on the first date than beating around the bush while the lady already knows what you are up to.This only gives her time to find out the best way to put you off. More over I’ve seen my brother making it with two gals by hitting the nail on the first date. I tried it and was thrown in the ‘friends’ zone. Having known that the friends is a sentence to disparity. I never pursued beyond the ‘hi’ we exchange on pavements. Which i the best?
Comment by Tony — June 22, 2008 @ 12:16 pm
I effed up tryign to pick up on a girl yesterday at the gym. I’ve lost a lot of weight and been weight training for 7 motnhs. I look a lot better (as girls have come up to me to say) and I have talked with them but I always eff up the delivery when trying to get their number. Well, last time we had a really good conversation. Instead of accompanying her to stretch with her after cardio, I immediatley asked for her number and it freaked her out. I did it at the wrong time, I think timing is important. I now wish I would have done stretchign with her, and then asked for it. I dont know maybe I was doomed from the start? What sucks is I hardly ever get a chance to talk to a girl, and when I do, I usually mess it up. This is the seoncd strike I’ve had in one week. My rejection was in front of a lot of people at the gym too. So I felt miserable about it and still do. I know that I shouldn’t care so much, but it’s my track record that makes me care; rejection after rejection after rejection. I’m 28 years old, and the girls my age are 20x smarter than they were in my teens. I was able to pick them up much easier back then,sll I know. I wish I could replay that situation.
Comment by Matt — June 27, 2008 @ 7:50 am
I agree, with nearly all the tips, and telling people to read DyD- but, i dont believe in drastic changes all to pick up “the girl”,y not just let the guy develope his own method which will suit is personality and then he can become the succesful guy that he wants to be.
but very well explaind over all
Comment by Charles — July 14, 2008 @ 1:16 pm
Hai Mr. Calo,
I like to invite you to the Real Man Conference, 20 and 21 September in the Rai Theatre in Amsterdam.
It will be massive. You should be there!
Cu,
SmoothDoc
Comment by SmoothDoc — August 8, 2008 @ 1:58 am
well as i was reading your very intresting advice i couldnt but help notice that one of your tips states not to give them complments such as eyes and hair but it seems to be in my experince that most girls are most fond of when i complment them on there looks and appernce and that is usually how i get the ladies if you pardon me saying so i got many many numbers well doing so but on ther other hand i just let my self be seen as a friend. and while the best pick up lines are when you are effortless some girls do enjoy the odd corny pick up line and could lead to another intresting topic for conversation
Comment by dr smooth — August 20, 2008 @ 12:09 pm
about if she think you are cute but you are scared to talk to her
Comment by frandini — September 12, 2008 @ 3:13 pm
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Pingback by How to pick up a girl in class | Art of Seduction — September 16, 2008 @ 10:04 am
good advice
Comment by avinash kumar — September 19, 2008 @ 10:38 am
lower your standards, raise your batting average
Comment by john — October 13, 2008 @ 12:35 pm
hey i tried the cheap tricks before. NONE WORK! if you want a girlfriend, even if you are ugly, just do good deeds in front of her, not too obvious though. For example you take her for lets just say Ice. You see a kid,he dropped his ice on the floor. go up to the counter buy the same ice and give it to the kid. Another thing, compliment her, and later go in for a kiss.(make sure your in a private area, maybe a lake or any other place, don’t pick a place like the beach cause then she will think your just grabbing ass. Make it romantic, and smooth. if this doesn’t work…. your screwed !
Comment by Private — October 22, 2008 @ 8:22 am
off to a date now good luck
Comment by Private — October 22, 2008 @ 8:23 am
I agree with a lot of what you say but I have one stronjg objection. I am quite succesful with girls and I have friends who ask my advice. There are little things i can tell them, but I would never tell them to look at what I do and try an repeat it. I have most success with women when I feed off their energy and respond to that in a specific way. Your right about not expecting anything at the beginning, and about enjoying it, but for me that means letting the experience guide you, letting the woman show you how she wants to be seduced.
JD
Comment by Jim Davidson — November 15, 2008 @ 9:02 pm
There’s no shadow of doubt that I’m gonna follow these advices but I’m sceptical abot that.It’s hard to define what is the best way to pick up a girl.One stupid mistake is enough to screw it all up.If I manage to pick up anyone I”ll let you all guys know.
Comment by Arek — November 30, 2008 @ 1:52 pm
I was decently successful with women in high school, but went through a pretty bad relationship, which really killed any “romeo” I had in me. These days I just think about all the things that went wrong, dwell on them and think I can’t get a girl because of them. I try to stay positive with the idea that I’ve dropped quite a bit of weight and really changed in appearance for the better since then, but I just keep thinking “I’ll wait until I’m in a better place before making a move.” I think meeting girls is all about confidence, if you lose/don’t have it, it will kill your hopes for hooking up.
Comment by Wambo — December 4, 2008 @ 3:45 pm
Private, that’s a damn good advice!
Comment by MMA Fighter — December 21, 2008 @ 6:33 am
pick up line: what u say after a woman turns you down to pick up your spirit. There’s no magic line that can be said to make a woman like/want you. The best way in my experience is just being able to talk, and if you mess up and say something wrong, joke about how that came out wrong. You trip walking up to her(like I’ve done several times) talk about how you’ll never be a ballerina. This says don’t compliment them on there looks, that’s half true, never say anything about there body its a died give away that’s all you want. Say something about there hair or there eyes but only after you two have talked for a while. Keep eye contact as much as possible it shows interest in what there saying. Confidence is a must but don’t go in there thinking your going to get any girl in there cause many woman see it as arrogance. There is a lot more I could say but most of it comes with experience like body language and the eyes. If you can read eyes, a person can know in the matter of seconds to keep going or cut your losses.
Comment by rusty — December 24, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
I am A Female, and i would strongly suggest, that commenting on looks is good just not too much on the physical appearance of their body structure more their eyes and hair maybe *that shirt looks great on u* would work it makes a girl feel more comfortable with themselves, makes them not think *ok i dont look fat, or ugly he thinks i look cute thats good* thats but when approaching a girl just randomly start talking to him about something uve heard about her like for example if she likes to play sports (like i do) be like heyyy whats up? i saw u playing (whatever sport it was) example-soccer you were really great! is that going to be your future career? or something cause itill get on a good topic just make sure ur 100% positive of what their favorite things are. DO NOT ASK THE GIRL ON A DATE ON FIRST APPEARENCE AND APPROACH!!! it freaks girls out, ive gotten asked by a guy if i wanted to take a drive with him in his care…NOT COOl it freaked me out big time that i just gave the *i’m busy-quote* never works. Girls like to know about guys to if they seem pretty interested in your apporach mention something you love to do and wait for a response if she responds and says really thats cool! and asks you a question about it, your flowing shes interested and you have a good chance of her later on likeing you or so. Most importance be prepared of what to say do not go talk to her randomly and be like hi…and wait for a reply then looking cluelessly with no response to what you wanted to tell her, its akward. Don’t stalk the girl, it freaks them out alot, look into her eyes…i personally love it but hate it when a guy looks in my eyes it gives me butterflies and then i wan’t to get to know him because of the great eye-contact. DO NOT CHECK HER OUT! even if u think shes not looking her friends might be, itill make her feel uncomfortable…i wish you all good luck just keep it cool when you talk to a girl, and something thats real good when you notice that the girl is interested and hear she might like you play cat and mouse, its usually a great idea to get it in the girls mind that you need to do more to have him, because he’s a serious person. do something funny, girls love to laugh so just do something stupid but not to stupid and be funny girls love it. ( i wouldn’t really spend time on being nice to people to get her attention. i find them quit suck ups, but keep in mind don’t be an asshole)
Comment by Lorisha — January 15, 2009 @ 7:23 pm
I personally think it’s 80 percent looks (face,physique,hair,height) You got all 4 of those and you should be successful at attracting and picking up women regardless if your game is crap! Let’s face it, we all know the sexy beautiful women are 98 percent of the time with the tall, built, jock!, or the skinny, pretty boy. I try and try; Never successful and it kills me.
Comment by salim — February 6, 2009 @ 1:11 am
I know the feeling. I have never had trouble with girls approaching me (which is what usually happens). But for some reason I can’t approach them. Usually when they approach me and I get their number, I call in a day or two and they have lost interest by then. My problem is trying to take it to the next level from getting numbers to actually getting dates. Weird huh??
Comment by nik — February 17, 2009 @ 2:52 pm
IF SHE LIKES U SHE WILL LET U KNOW IF SHE DOESNT THEN YOU WILL KNOW
Comment by tony — February 19, 2009 @ 6:12 am
i found your tips very useful.
god bless u
but i failed coz i fell in love with her
: O (
Comment by chacha pasoori — February 19, 2009 @ 8:04 am
no matter how much eye contact and game you pull, if the girl isnt attracted to your looks your not gonna get anything 95 percent of the time.
Comment by bopperblast — February 28, 2009 @ 5:40 am
I think that everybody is looking for systems that will work for them.
I don’t believe in a system or strict rules. In the past I did, but from what I have seen, anything can work, compliment or not, if you are coming from the right place. (It will work)
Vice versa, not much will work if your coming from the wrong place.
Maybe you have heard this before, but its so true!!! Its all in the mindset. If you feel deserving, worthy and let go. The rest works…
Still, interesting comments.
Colin
Comment by Colin of Day Game Dating — March 4, 2009 @ 2:31 am
This really helped I scored on the epic babe of the century in my whole school. This was one of the better/easier concepts to follow
Comment by Hello — March 13, 2009 @ 10:03 pm
I really like this girl in my school but, her best friend dislikes me for some reason. And I work out every day and I have done so for like 20 months someone please help. I mean we have been really good friends for a while, but I’m scared that if I ask her out it will ruin our friendship.
Comment by J.R. — April 2, 2009 @ 8:59 pm
Just be yourself. That’s the oldest advise on the books and by far the best. Most intelligent girls will see right thru the “game” you are bringing. Just be honest and dont wear a front. Remember, love takes time. Never rush it. Just like a flower, you’ve got to water it and give it plenty of sunshine… Then like the bee, you get the goods. You will respect each other more in the long run. If she says she wants to be friends, it might be she is trying you. Just to see how you react. Either way everyone always needs a friend, right? I picked up my wife the first time we met. I was 17, she was 20. It wasnt planned, It just happened. we dated for 3 years & decided to save ourselves for our marriage, and now after 17 years and 2 sometimes wonderful children, we are still happily married. She is my very best friend.
Comment by Doug — April 5, 2009 @ 10:49 am
THE GREATEST ADVICE YOU WILL EVER GET FROM A WOMAN..OK, here it goes gentlemen: 1.The old line “just be yourself” is true, the kind of woman u want is not a dumbass so she will see right through a playa 2. Tell a woman what kind of relation u want with her (yes, this is a bold move) But there are girls who only want to fool around b/c they have busy lives and dont want relationship baggage either. Deceit makes our blood run cold.Trust me, women want to know your real intentions immediately. 3. DONT BE OVERLY AGGRESSIVE AND HOSTILE. If a girl turns u down DO NOT call her nasty names, u only prove to her that u r insecure & abusive and that she made the right choice in not giving u her #. There are other girls out there. 4. Organize the date yourself, ALL women want a man who can take charge positively, if we are doing everything then we feel like your mother, not cool, MORE LIKE- B.O.R.I.N.G. 5.Expand your knowledge about whats going on in the world so u can start and build convo, most guys dont know what the hell to say after the approach has been made b/c 90% of the time they talk about manly stuff with their friends. Catch up on culture, the arts, politics and social issues. Expand your mind and you can be a great communicator w/ women. (tip- The guys you hate know this info but telling other males decreases THEIR chances of scoring with babes). Become great men, treat women with respect please and have a great 2009. Bye guys!
Comment by chavonne — April 14, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
Hey guys and girls, thanks for the good advice, i have never been very good at approaching or attracting women and thus my confidence is very low and im guessing this must show when i do try talk to women
just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to try help others find love in their life, i really feel like i have more know-how now and hopefully this will boost my confidence and chances
i have read your posts and tried to take it all in, and already feel a sense of achivement and i havent even left my house, so from when i wake up tomorrow i will try to remember all of this and walk around with my head held high!!
once again, thanks you lot, all the best,
from a long time lonely (hopefuly to soon change) lad..
Comment by ad — April 14, 2009 @ 4:52 pm
Ad: Hey good luck, it takes time to build enough confidence to pick up girls, but if you persist you’ll make it.
Chavonne: All very good tips, thanks for the contribution! I especially like the part about not trying to trick girls into liking you, they’ll see right through you.
Doug: Nice story Doug, you touched on a good point, you should ‘force’ love. It’s something that just happens … and if it doesn’t, then that’s Ok. It will eventually.
J.R.: If her best friend dislikes you, then I’m not sure how good friends you are with the girl. So asking her out wouldn’t really ruin your friendship (since you don’t seem to be really close). The best friend doesn’t like you? That seems to be a big obstacle… It’s a bad place to be in and sometimes the friend doesn’t like you for no good reason. I’d work on disarming the friend first: you can be direct or indirect, it’s your choice. A direct way might to simply go up to the friend and tell her: “Listen, I know you don’t like me but I really like your friend, I just want you to let you know that I’m going to ask her out and if we do go out, I’ll treat her with respect.” (Then go ask the girl out). If that’s not your style, then realize that the friend doesn’t have to like you, but at least respect you.
After that, go for the girl you like!
Hello: Good to hear.
Colin: Very true, it’s where you’re coming from. People see past the game when you’re picking up girls.
Comment by Chris Calo — June 22, 2009 @ 10:13 pm