My friend was rapt with this young lady he’d met. “She’s not only hot”, he said to me with enthusiasm glowing in his eyes, “but smart and funny too – AND she is into Anime as much as I am!” She was a great match, and I was quite happy for him. Imagine how sad I got when two weeks later, he told me he was losing her. What had happened? The answer was in the latest text message she had sent him: “I need a little time to myself…” This is going to be about how to get a girl to chase you, so this never happens again.
Give a girl room to chase you
My friend had got carried away with this girl, and that’s how he drove her out of his life. Sure enough, she saw him a couple more times, but eventually, the relationship fizzled out and grinded to a halt. I’m sure she was interested in him at first: he’s a charismatic and passionate guy. If something ignites his excitement, he’s all over it, and he follows through. It’s actually attractive when a guy treats his hobbies that way: he knows so much about Anime, it’s sick. And that sparkle in his eyes when he talks about it – I can imagine his passion left a great impression on the girl.
But then, he applied the same enthusiasm to her. He really wanted her in his life (and who can blame him?), and it showed. Waaay too much.
Instead of relying on nature to work its magic, he tried to “steer” the chemistry between him and the girl, and in doing so, he impeded the one thing that would have worked: a natural unfolding of affection.
Running In The Right Direction
If you listen to girls – for instance, in the subway, next to you in a café or, hey, you may be blessed enough to have female roommates – you will find that they talk a lot about men. They worry about their chances with that hunky fireman, or the cute photographer. They giggle when they talk about the latest guy they met, and get excited about when he’ll call them again. All this can only happen, though, if you allow the room for it: your job as a man is to throw her a bone and then let her come to you. If you throw her too many bones, she definitely won’t go for your boner.
What you should (not) do
Here’s a list of things you should not do when you want to get together with an amazing girl:
1. Don’t obsess about her, but give her room instead and give her the opportunity to think about you
2. Repeat step 1
Hey, that wasn’t too hard, huh?
Go about your daily business. Do your groceries, go to work, go out with friends, have fun, chat up other girls (hey, you need the practice), then text her when you feel like it. “Hey, I was out with my friends today and this reminded me of you (…).” I need to tell you: my friend pushed that girl really far to make her write “I need some time to myself” Don’t even get anywhere near that point. Just give her the space she needs and give her the gift of missing you from time to time. Before you know it, she’ll be chasing you instead of the other way around!
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
yea this is true ive noticed that resontly with this one girl i was all over her and she new she had me and i was like a puppy chasin her but now i simply act as if shes no big deal and now shes lookin for me
This article can be summed up in one sentence:
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
When you men are too easy it starts to make us feel like were married and then we get scared that were going to get trapped into having babies with a boring obsesed man and we will have no exciting dating stories to gossip about.
The article is so right just get on with your day and we will come knocking at some point.
You really have a point but the thing is that one could get really anxious about whether or not that trick would work. How does one deal with this anxiety?
Mmmmm…It seems you are talking about me here
And I totally agree with all your takes on this. If I can bring Economics here, ‘Scarcity makes good expensive’ so yes, even in the dating game the law of scarcity works all the time. The more scarce you are, the more attractive and desired you get.
This guy showed all signs that he liked me in the beginning, including we have gone for two dinners. He came to me and introduced himself and told me he had been seeing me for sometime, I felt flattered (but in my heart, I shouted ‘Stalker’ LOL).The second dinner was three weeks after the first one. Anyway, we had coffee and a light evening hangout before all those dinners, so we have formally gone out twice, and casually/informally gone out twice.
I did not have a lot of interest in him, and we meet at the gym every day or every other day, plus he gives me a ride back home for each time he gets me at the gym. Soon, I started having interest in him coz he has a great personality and believe me **I like him** so much now. The thing is, I think he has now realized that i like him, and he is playing the law of scarcity? He doesn’t text me anymore, he doesn’t send me e-mail anymore, etc. I also dont text him or e-mail him anymore coz I dont want to appear clingy. I am leaving for London in less than a month for a one year study,and he is going Italy also for a year study abroad. So I dont know what the odds are that he could ask me out, but I am already loosing interest in him coz of the game, besides we are all leaving soon. However, he mentions that he wants to visit me in London, and he has invited me to visit him too…So, i am all nuts analyzing what this whole thing is about, but he is definitely a potential.
I have less than a month to get anything sparking with him, but we are also both busy-I am finalizing my thesis and he is preparing for his trip, so he is getting a lot of things done before he can leave. At least if anything, he needs to let me know his feelings and then I will let him know about mine. That way, I will be able to keep a heart for him while I am in London and may be we can do long distance …but heck, he is not asking me out!!! What should I do? I dont want to play any games now, coz the time is so short for that.
Any ideas from the guys???
I see where you are going with this and will have to try it. This is so hard for me to do though. I have a hard time not thinking of her so much i can’t control it. I have done this with every girl I have been attracted to, first things start out great and then im left thinking what happened? I feel that if im not with her that she will find someone else and i will loose her which i guess I loose her from being over baring. I really need help in this area I guess. I do have one other thing to say, I feel as if im not attractive to them, I don’t have any friends and because of this my self confidence has been shot. I feel that I am a lost cause, which again turns me into this over baring guy wanting to be with them because i have no one else. If anyone may have some answers or help let me know.
I have probably the same problem you are dealing with, but let me tell you somehing. I have an insight yesterday, i was a quite sad thinking i was a lost cause that this wasnt for me, and sudenly i thought that i have to be happy enough with myself before someone i like would feel the same way. i think that i dont want to be a needy taking the happiness and joy from another person, but giving the best part of me.
I like this girl and i think she likes me today i asked her if she likes me and she said in what way with a suprised sound and i said in a dateing way she said i have a thing with another guy but said if she wasnt or when she stops shell say yess… shes a ok freinds but my thing is he cheated on her and the girl he cheated on with lied and said they didnt but she wont believe me. i dont want to get inbatween them cause i wouldnt want another guy doing that 2 me. got any ideas?
I dont understand how doing nothing and waiting for a girl to come to me will make me obsese about her any less then i am now with my current girl.
@colby
It’s not about doing nothing, it’s about doing SOMETHING and then waiting, then doing something again… and waiting.
You have to give them time to react, think about you and THEN you can have them chase you. That’s the small, yet very important distinction.
I see myself as the traditional tuned kind o guy, never been thrilled by a woman chasin me, I prefer to be on the trail. But for what it’s worth, I believe these tips would work for those who thrill being chased. I guess I will road test this and get back with my results
for those people who doesnt understand this,see it this way…(insert your favourite food here) if for example you love pizza,and you eat it everyday you will get bored with it and want something else.but if you eat pizza once in a while you wont get bored with it.we humans want what we cant have,so even if your girl is so inlove with you,take the time to make her miss u,if you are always around she cant miss you.will you miss eating pizza if you are eating it everyday?of course not you will get sick of it oh and to you zayn,i think you should date other girls and move on…you still can win her back but not right now…you dont have the right mentality to win her currently.cause u still want her,if u date other girls and she sees you moving on then that would be better for you.
Makes sense to me, I surely don’t want a chick who’s obsessed with me, shit is weird, lol