When you hear the word “flirt”, what do you think? If you look it up on everybody’s favorite online encyclopedia, you get this: “Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact.”

Now, do you think this first line will help you learn how to flirt with a girl? Naturally, you may be reluctant to “express a romantic and/or sexual interest” in a woman just like that: what if you come off as weird, she gets annoyed, defensive, what if she flat-out rejects you? That would make flirting a quite unpleasant experience. On the other hand, if you really understand how to do it, you can make any flirt what it’s meant to be: a light, fun interaction with a breezy sexual vibe and sweet validation.

When I hear the word “flirt”, I think of witty, smiley banter, laughing, good feelings, slight sexual tension, and most importantly: no particular outcome. It may be a fun prelude to casual sex, a steady relationship or simply nothing at all – none of these things make or break a good flirt. The only two ingredients it needs are “good” and “flirt”. It is what it is! Here’s how you do it:

1. Feel sexy and make her feel the same.

Assume attraction. You know that you are sexy, and no matter if she’s “taken”, lesbian, a happy single, she likes to feel desirable. You’re in a position to give her that feeling. You can open up the interaction with a line as simple as this: “Hi. What’s your name?” You can also establish a mystery: “You’re drinking green tea, right? That tells me a lot about your personality.” Then don’t tell her what it is. Right before approaching, you can start humming or softly singing to yourself, it bridges the gap between not speaking and speaking – you’re already in “talk mode” when you say your first words to her.

2. Be positive and don’t care about the outcome.

Sure: you’re talking to the girl because you’re attracted. But let the interaction be self-sufficient: if you are having fun with a cutie and nothing more, then the girl will enjoy it. You’re both in the same place at the same time, you’re good-looking and blithe, and you’re enjoying each other’s company! That’s why the most important rule for you is to be positive. If you embrace that she’s there and she’s a wonderful person, you’re already halfway there!

3. Be playful.

From the very first moment, you have to be in a playful mood. You can use a number of techniques to set that tone in the interaction, including:

- Teasing
Make tongue-in-cheek comments. Accuse her of staring at your butt while you were making a point, or undressing you with her eyes. Tell her something crazy, like “I’m a secret agent investigating the city’s female demographic”, and when asks if you are kidding her, say “Yes” with a coy smile and move on to the next topic.

- Double-entendres
Statements than can have two meanings: formally appropriate and sexually suggestive. She’s talking about her travels: “I spent a lot of time down south.” Say: “Down south?! You dirty girl!” Look for opportunities to introduce playful sexual innuendo into a conversation – if you set your mind to it, you’ll be amazed at how many things you can “accidentally misinterpret” as sexual hints. At some point, tell her: “Look, I realize I’m hot, but please stop your constant innuendos. I’m not that easy.”

- Facial expressions
You want to be careful with them: let your facial expressions mirror your emotions. Many guys will just plaster a smile on their face all the way through an interaction in order to please. Instead, change your face according to your inner reaction to what she does. If you disapprove of something, there’s no need to hide it! You’re not there to please her.

4. Make her flirt with you.
Now that you have some examples on how to flirt with women that you meet, I should also mention that it’s very important that you get the woman to flirt with you as well! There is a technique in the book Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo that actually shows you what to do in the first 5 minutes of the interaction to set yourself a part and get the woman flirting with you first. I strongly recommend you read it.

The Wikipedia article on flirting describes it as a way to gauge interest or a prelude to casual sex. “In other situations”, the article goes on, “it may be done simply for immediate entertainment, with no intention of developing any further relationship.” To my mind, this is the best way to go: once you know how to entertain yourself with another person’s company, you know how to flirt with girls. There is always an amount of personal interest involved, and don’t be afraid to hide it: but don’t let it take over and try to steer the conversation to a certain outcome. The only outcome you want right there and then is a great feeling.