Wouldn’t it be amazing if there was few words you could whisper to make a girl fall in love within seconds of you approaching her? “Your beauty reminds me of autumn leaves falling ….” Well forget it! No poetic (feel free to laugh at my failed poetic attempt), cheesy line or even smart line will ever make a woman fall in love.

As a matter of fact, why would you want to do that in the first place?!

Okay, okay. Yeah, I hear you. We’ve all been there, right? There’s this amazingly beautiful girl at work or school. You watch her in amazement every day: her movements are so graceful, her hair is full auburn, she has dark beady eyes and a smile that could brighten up the effing sun. This is love at first sight. She’s the one! You must not screw this up, like the last time you mustered up your courage and confessed your undying love to a girl out of the blue! How can you go over and make her fall in love the minute you start talking to her?

Well you can’t. And you shouldn’t. You should approach her with calm and confidence to check out if she has the character to back up her looks. Parable time: imagine you’re an ornithologist, and there’s this incredibly beautiful and exotic bird you’ve been watching in sheer amazement for weeks on end. Then one day, you get close to it: it’s a breathtaking moment. You’re all shaking and sweaty because it’s such a heavenly creature and BAM! It bites you right in the face and craps on your jacket. How’s that for a downer?

There’s one advantage that a woman has over a bird: with the bird, you can’t go over and chat it up. The woman, though, will appreciate if a dashing, fun, outgoing young gentleman shows a casual interest in her. So go over and make some easy conversation to check her out.

To do this, you will need to change your attitude, young Padawan. Your good old “love at first sight” is what I like to call “infatuation”. Beyond that might lie the bitter realization that your “angel” is actually the crappy-bitey type of woman, and that’s something you want to find out before her auburn hair is clogging up your drain and she’s hogging your goods and chattels.

Right before you approach her, take a long, deep breath to flush the anxiety out of your system, then turn around and observe something about her: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in your Ninja Turtles sweater in a while. What happened? Grow out of it?” Be tongue-in-cheek if you can (and if it comes naturally). There, you’ve started a conversation.

Many, many men will act extra-nice, appreciative and submissive when they interact with a very beautiful woman. For some reason, they seem to think that catering to her every need is best way to get a girl to like you. Get this: if there’s one need of hers that you should cater to, it’s the need of being treated like a regular person. What she says or does is not some form of eternal, paramount truth: call her on it! Show that you have your own standards, and while you’re interested in her, she still has to live up to what you want in a great person.

Another big steaming pile that guys will step into is “scripted conversations”. I’m sure you’ve prepared conversations hundreds of times in the past, planning all the best things to say, only to screw it up big time. Scripting’s a surefire way to get that outcome. So stop doing it! Once a conversation is on, all you – and the girl! – can do is be in the present. If your mind is busy focusing on some BS “I love you” stuff you made up beforehand, it’s certainly not invested in the situation at hand. Trust me, the girl can tell that you have some sort of agenda running in the background such as trying to impress her, and as you get nervous and detached, she will get bored and annoyed. Relinquish your “control”, just listen and react – it’s the same courtesy she’s giving you.

If you shift your perspective that way, you’ll automatically become more relaxed and present. This is a regular everyday interaction between two human beings. Your goal is no longer to make a girl fall in love the minute you start talking to her: it’s to get to know her because she looks interesting. There’s nothing left for you to lose now, but everything to gain. So what’s the worst that could happen? Ending up with all you had before? Well great! This is your new vantage point. Now go out and step forward from it.

Picture this: you’ve been going out with a marvelous girl for a while, and you start feeling a deep affection for her. So you try to make the girl fall in love – and whoops, the whole relationship goes south from there.

Most guys have been there. What happened? Well, you made one fundamental mistake. But before we go into it, let’s look at some basics about getting a girl’s love.

Figure out what you want.

What is it you want to achieve? Are you looking for her company in order to fix something in your life? If so, you’re trying to fill an emotional hole inside you and consequently you aren’t coming from a place of strength. Insecurity and low self-esteem are a greater buzzkill than Buzz Killington. You need confidence, determination and independence, so sort out your issues and take control of your life first. Don’t wait for things to happen, instead, take the initiative and check out the highly recommended man transformation program. (This thing is huge)

The first mentality change you should adopt to create attraction is to not be afraid to check her out. Screen her! Is she the right one for you? Is she funny, interesting, clever, witty, sexy? Does she merit your attention and love? Remember, you don’t come for free. She’ll have to earn you just as you have to earn her. Two strong individuals are the best basis for a healthy, balanced relationship.

Now you can go get her love.

Rule number one: spread good vibes. She won’t love you if you brood and worry. Here’s an exercise: focus on your breathing and tone down the noise in your head. Let go of yesterday and tomorrow, and bring your attention to the here and now. Be present, live the moment. You will find beauty and happiness.

Oh, and avoid the dreaded “best friends” zone. Inject some body contact and sexual innuendo into your interaction early on. Know what you want and don’t beat around the bush about it. Be upfront (not intrusive!) about your intentions.

Slow down. Relax. Take it easy.

If you’re cool and calm, chances are you won’t turn into a blithering idiot with the girl. You have all the time in the world, so don’t rush things. Doing so will screw it up. Think about it: if you chase somebody, aren’t they going to run? Let her discover you bit by bit, and leave her room to breathe and be. Take it one step at a time, and don’t shoot for any outcome – the only thing you’ll hit is your foot. Who cares where you’ll be in one month, tomorrow, at the end of the night? You’re with her now and having a great time.

Displays of affection.

Compliments and presents are good things if done right. Make them on your terms: don’t give in to her every wish, instead tease her a bit and surprise her at a later point. You don’t want to look needy and clingy, so place your displays of affection carefully and make them count:

Instead of buying her dinner, look up a recipe and cook her something you know she likes.

Instead of buying her a huge random bunch of flowers, buy her a few of her favorite ones.

Make your compliments specific. “You’re hot” is unspecific. “Your hair is beautiful. Do you spend a lot of time on it?” is specific.

Show her you listen and care about her as a person.

Looking and listening will also keep you from overstepping lines, e.g. the line where teasing becomes annoying or the one where you start rubbing compliments and presents all over her (eeeewwwww).

Share memorable experiences with her.

Anybody can go to a restaurant. It’s ordinary, and having an exciting conversation over a couple plates and a candle is harder than in your city’s shopping alleys, on a boating trip, in an amusement park or at the zoo. A bunch of monkeys flinging feces can entertain you for hours!

Create comfort and commonalities. They can be inside jokes, memories or a unique understanding you share, anything that binds you together. Make her feel like she’s known you for years!

So, what went wrong when you tried to make a girl fall in love? Well, a great master once put it like this: “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Don’t stiffen, “try” to run a script, or worry about what to do next. Just be natural, nonchalant, present, have a good time and don’t worry about the outcome. Stay in control and take it easy – she’ll love you for it.